So I went job interview yesterday.. today they called me and sayd that I got it.. It just means I don’t have summer holiday, I have to sit in cube about 7am to 3pm every-fucking-weekday until the end of August.
I think I want to shoot myself. I don’t actually even need the money, what I need is experience so I can get another jobs too, but I think this job will kill me.
They actually sayd that I sound as good as my mother, who is one of the best they have there so now I’m screwed! I really have to be good.
Also I have to say goodbye for all the fun I have planned before, because now I don’t have time to do them. My life just sucks right now! Also I have to move to city, when I just love my life in here countryside.
I feel like I want to sob.. But maybe most ‘cause now I cannot read fanfictions all night like before ‘cause I have to wake up in freaking 5am in the mornings!
- This will be death to me
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1)
fesung- March 15th, 17:50
- Never too late, right?
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- fesung
- February 2nd, 20:23
Been a while that I last wrote something, but never too late, right?
So I kind of made up with Milla, hahaha, just sit next to her in class and everything was as fine as it can get again.
I have made this new friend, Matt, that I don't even know, but I think he is awesome and really deserves better friendships that he has and sometimes I just hope that I could go to him and tell him how everyone are assbutts if they don't understand how brilliant person he is.
But in anyway, I'm as good as I will ever be, I think, with all this mentally illness I have.
- Happy B-day!
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- fesung
- January 13th, 21:06
What's up with me today? Hmm.. Milla is having her B-day party right now, well as much as you can say party when there is only 7 people! So having B-day party 13th Friday and only with 7 people in there, I hope she doesn't belive in magic numbers! Anyway I just wanted to wish her happy B-day!
-Anna
- My very ex-best friend
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- fesung
- January 12th, 17:42
If the only person reading this journal is Meeri, then this will be just a waste of space, but if her isn't only one, let me introduce my very ex-best friend, Milla.
Well, we met when we both started senior high school, I kind of have just been betrayed by my previous best friend, Kia. So, maybe not betrayed but that is exactly how it feld. She get a boyfriend and I really get that she wanted to spend time with him and everything, but way she treated me wasn't something I was going to forgive. Then I met Milla by Kia, and we were so awkward together first but we became fast best friends. We didn't really say anything, we just knew what another one of us thought. I really was coming back to like and trust people, but then a few months ago she get boyfriend and I was happy for her, always happy for her, but I was scared too. This person who know me some well was going to do exactly same thing that my last best friend, so I told her "I'm happy for you, but don't you do me what Kia did, because I'm not going to forgive that to you." and she answer me "I'm not going to do so, you will always be my best friend." And I was happy, I was so happy that I could trust her that she wasn't going to keep me around to just be replacement when she could not be with him.
So I asked her to come with me in my big sister's New Year Eve -party and she was ok with it. But the closer New year came, the more it seemed that she didn't want to come. So I tried to ask her if she didn't want to come, but she always answered that se promised to come so she was coming and I belived her, because I wanted to. Now I know I should have not. You see, I started to feel that I was just stumbling block in her relationship, just like with Kia. It was worse that with Kia. But we went to my sister's palce, but that eve I went to Tumblr and found this in her blog.
http://lmred.tumblr.com/post/15077764917/happy-fucking-new-year-im-at-annas-sister
She didn't want to spend New year with me, what a suprise! I was so offended that I didn't want to spend New year at all, but the most annoying thing was that deep inside me I know this all, I just didn't want to belive it. I wanted so badly belive her!
So she didn't want to spend New year with me, I would have been okay with that, but no! She was so wrapped up with her boyfriend that she couldn't come to my birthday. That crossed the line. I decided I was not going to forgive and forgive forever. I didn't have best friend anymore.
So in 2 days she will turn 19 too and now she is asking why I ain't coming to her birthday. Well, why should I? After I told her everythig, how it went down with Kia, how I didn't really trust people after it, how I didn't want to go through that never again, but she didn't really listen to me I quest. But that is it, that's life or at least my life.
I won't let anyone ever that near me again. Never again.
- The very Next Day
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- fesung
- January 9th, 20:40
Here I am again. I can't really belive that I'm doing this, but when I ones started everything pours out.
Things I like
TV-shows- Bones
- Supernatural
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Angel the Series
- Veronica Mars
- lot of others especially programs of murders
- Lord of the Ring -series
- Anni/Anna/Anne -series (not really sure which one it is in English, in Finnish Anna)
- Little House on the Prairie -series
- Harry Potter -series
My family is kind of pain in my ass, I would like to say: but they are MY pain in my ass, but i don't. Love my parents and my big sister. They are all biological relatives. But then there are my "little sisters" whos really are making me crazy and mad and violent and everything. And most of all SAD. I feel like I'm suffocating all the time. Particularly after my "brother" died.
Then there is this thing me and my "friends". I don't really belive that people like me very much or they like me but are shamed of me and thats why doesn't like to been seen with me by other peoples. And some times I come across with people who are as awkward and weird as me. I build this whole friendship around as, we are close and share everything and all of a sudden they have boyfriends and doesn't have time to me anymore. I really understand this, but it still makes me sad and lying in my bed many days watching tv-shows like Veronica Mars. I hate to be second best in everything and to everyone. I don't want anymore be close to any person in my life. My heart is not ready to broke anymore and I'm not sure if I can make it whole even now.
Now I'm going back to my pathetic life watching some more Veronica Mars 'cause it makes me feel so much better or at least makes me cry.
- So....
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- fesung
- January 8th, 15:27
So, I have had this blog like 3 years and never wrote anything in here. Well, that is going to end now. I made this promise a few moths ago to one of my friend ‘cause we don’t see often anymore. For everyone else that maybe are reading this (what I doubt lot) my name is Anna.
I have two cats, Moro Mu (white-orange one) whose name means something like I love you in Ancient Greek and Dmitri (gray) whose name doesn't really mean anything to me, it just looked like it name was Dmitri
I also have three dachshunds; Rosmo (red) name is something like robber but not that, Lyyti (doesn't have meaning) and Toveri Koira (Comrade Dog) both black with red marks.
I'm from Finland, not anymore so cold place but darker than ever. I live in countryside and I’m born 6.1 -93. I have just turn 19 which leads to question that have been in my head for a while. What the FUCK is wrong in me, when all my best friends leave me after a while? Maybe I'm just not a person that should have best friend. Or maybe I should change, take up my sister answer, and get NOT blonde best friend. But really I think the problem is me.
This is start of my blog now! I will be keeping this when I remember, so that means when I feel really shitty like today. I'm sorry about my bad english but this is what you get when you sleep in English lessons.
-Anna
ps. I have blog in Tumblr, it reflects pretty good what is happening inside my head http://aichy.tumblr.com
